After writing the title of this post, many reminders of how God cares, how He hasn’t forsaken us and how we are not alone sprung up. I am thankful to God that He is quick to vanquish our fears. Also, I believe scripture becomes a part of us- like the blood in our veins. God’s word is powerful, it is a seed that brings life. It reminds me of the immune system, the word of God in us is like an antibody or a group of antibodies that detects pathogens which in this case are the lies of the devil, our past, our sins, external ungodly influences. A signal is sent and the word of God is made alive more than ever, that double-edged sword becomes sharper and it slays, eliminates, engulfs, attacks, swallows, and degrades all that is not from God. Amen to that.
It does suck to do life alone. When I look at my life, I remember many periods of loneliness and hardships. Even though I had others around, I still felt very much alone, misunderstood and invisible. I isolated myself a lot, sought my own reason and believed in the lies I told myself, the lies that were said to and about me as well as the fears that tortured me. Everything else was bigger than I was, it appeared to be able to crush me to pieces and at times it did. Presently, I live alone and have been doing so since I was 18. I moved to Canada as an international student to attend University and so far this has been one hell of an adventure. There have been victories, failures, regrets, tears, laughter, pain, anger, heartbreak, and brokenness. Nonetheless, I can confidently say it has been one big lesson, one that I am still taking notes from. There were so many moments when I desperately needed my immediate family, I didn’t think myself knowledgeable or prepared to live life alone. I desperately yearned for familiarity in this new environment, for someone who knew me to some extent, I got tired of having to start friendships and to nurture them. I ended up forcing certain friendships and relationships to no avail. I only gave a little of myself to get enough of what I wanted from others.
There is nothing that beats the assurance one has of a truest friend, one who will understand my eccentricities, can make sense of my confusion, who I can learn from, be amazed by, who can challenge me, comfort me, wrap their hands around me, hug me, and kiss me. But I do have Jesus, which means I have everything I need.
I honestly do not know how I survived all these years. A beloved friend when asked “how are you?” always answers “day by day, my daughter, it is well”. There were times where I wanted to hop, leap, jump, sprint into the future to escape my past or my present. When I tried that I ended up hurting myself pretty bad, embarrassing myself in some instances. Taking it day by day is tasking, having to fully experience everything, to see how slow time moves as you move with it. And then one day, you look back and wonder how time flew by so fast.
So my dear friends, it is well. Take it day by day. God will take care of you. I was at a prayer gathering earlier today, and one of the girls concluded her prayer with this, “Teach us how to do this well”. I pray you seek God’s guidance and wisdom to do this well, whatever it is.